Duke EMP

So, the battery died today at Duke.  Sitting at the top of the parking deck, I realize how screwed I really am-no one to call, and no jumper cables.  And I’m at Duke.

I ride the car down the deck, jumping off in first the whole way.  Though the engine did turn over, it wouldn’t stay on-not enough charge to really get off the ground.   Arriving at the bottom, I cruise into a RESERVED spot, pop the hood, and sell my story to the parking attendant.  The guy’s all right-laid back, leaves the exit gate up half the time, and drives a Mustang with a Superman symbol on the front.  He doesn’t have cables, but he’ll call security.

Of course, security doesn’t help visitors.

With his solemn pledge to ask every driver he takes money from for cables, I stand in front of the car and flag drivers down that are sliding their cards through.

Here’s the fun.

Out of 20 people I flagged down, 10 passed me by without a glance.  One girl walked within 2 feet of me and ignored me.  Of the other 10, 9 didn’t have cables.  One lady was nice enough to at least look, another to recommend security.  I told her about security.  She no longer likes security.  She must be a secretary.

Finally, I spot a teacher and his cohort hop into a brand new Jeep Cherokee-with a rack.  Not the one that comes with the Jeep, but the one you actively have to seek out, to be prepared on long trips.  He’s got cables.

I stalked him.

When he finally made it to my car, he turns out to be Tom Hanks pretending to be Burt Reynolds, complete with mustache.  Nice as could be, very helpful, with a tenor voice while talking, and a falsetto when telling you something is “NO PROBLEM!”

This begs the question: What would Duke do if the EMP hit?  What would happen if their car batteries died (before you engineers and logic nazis come after me, I know the EMP wouldn’t kill the batteries-just pretend) and their cell phones shorted out?

Fill in your story here.

Dueling McGrandes

Enjoy.

As my life dwindles away in a mindless shuffle….

So, on prompting, I answer the question-what does the Shuffle have to say about my life?  The rules are simple:

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to each question.
4. Cheating optional

1.) Describe your first date.

“Busting Up A Starbucks” by Mike Doughty

Not precisely.  Middle school, going to the movie theater with my black girlfriend (scandalous at the time and place), to watch Backdraft and sit, only to be teased by the girl with hints of kisses, until the last 5 minutes.  Wait-maybe it’s right on the mark…

2.) What is your personal religion?

“Prayer For the Dying” - Seal

Creepy, Shuffle.   My faith, as you will, is a little freeform.  Largely, though, my faith has been shaped by a) a mom that likes to guilt me, b) long nights staring at the sky, and c) lots of death.  One way or the other, life carries on.  It’s a question of how much you understand and how gracefully you carry it.

3.) What do you think of your current hometown?

“Sour Times #1″ - Portishead

Hrm.  I like Raleigh, but like so many of my other compadres, I never saw myself staying here as long as I have.   Perhaps I could have been more successful elsewhere.

4.) What do you feel guilty about?

“Stupefy”-Disturbed

This is my chief guilt.  Never smart enough, never fast enough.  If I had been a little more perceptive, a little more aware, a little bolder….

When you’re surrounded by highly intelligent people, you become painfully aware of the things you haven’t thought about, and how life could be different.

5.) What embarrasses you?

“Shotgun Blues”-The Blues Brothers

In short, how long I hang on to anything, whether it be old dreams or my love of John Belushi movies.  Actually, fuck that-Belushi rocks.  So, just that doggish nature of mine.  That, and being a whiner.

6.) What kind of restaurant would you open?

“God Is In The House” -Nick Cave

Soul food?  Let’s do it!

7.) How do you feel about fall?

“All I Want” Toad and the Wet Sprocket

I constantly bitch about the weather here.  Fall seems to be the neutral ground, where you can fall asleep in a cool breeze and have a nice enough chill to sleep well at night.  Add that to colorful trees (admit it, peeps, we’ve got it better than most places) and you’re set.

8.) What’s your greatest fear?

“Can’t Turn You Loose”-The Blues Brothers

Wow.  Let’s hope I can grow up!

9.) What’s your biggest weakness?

“No Rain” Blind Melon

I have no idea what this means.  But I think we’re all up to date on my weaknesses.  Next, please.

10.) What was the last lie you told?

“If You Leave”-Orchestrated Maneuvers in the Dark

…..I’ll call you.

11.) What’s the biggest thing you learned in school?

“Hell’s Bells”-AC/DC

It’s the nightmare you can never escape.  Do you hear them ringing?

I actually enjoyed school, although I didn’t appreciate what I was learning then.  I would enjoy school if I went back.  But the fact is, we’re never leaving school. Ever.

12.) What did you dream your life would be like as a child?

“Basket Case”-Green Day

I think this makes sense.  I was an inordinately quiet child, who spent most of his time playing with toys or watching the people around him.  If my family is any indicator of how life is supposed to be, then this is the song for it.  That, and I thought it would be a lot more exciting.

13.) What was your first serious girlfriend/boyfriend like?

“I Love You Mary Jane”-Cypress Hill

I have no idea how this fits, either.  Other than she got weirder as she got older.

14.) What were you doing 10 years ago?

“Dissolved Girl”-Massive Attack

So, I think Mr. Shuffle got confused.  So, to rotate 13 and 14, the girl: a) Girl used to joke about the Bugle Boy Jeans I wore-the initials on the jeans were her initials.  She liked the idea of me being branded.  Can I pick em or what? b) she saw me mainly to piss off her grandad, a huge racist.   10 years ago:  That song is off the Judgement Night Soundtrack, which I listened to constantly around that time.  Driving everywhere with it blasting, either pimping out for no one in particular, or headbanging.  Wow.

15.) What will you be doing in 10 years?

“The Music Lovers”-Destroyer

“The times of your life have been had…” Perhaps looking back on this as the best days.  Depression sets in.

16.) What does a cry for help from you sound like?
Apparently like 15!

“Soul Man”-The Blues Brothers

Getting too gregarious?  That fake smile that I’m told shines way too much?  Or perhaps my future cocaine problem?

17.) What do you buy at Wal-Mart?

“Overkill”-Men At Work

HA!

18.) Describe your personal political philosophy

“Jump”-Van Halen

Got my back against the racking machine-what the hell does that mean, anyway?  I think the spirit of the song is the best fit-tough, but hopeful.   And not on any party line (although I think waaay out on the left is pretty good)

19.) Do You like to travel?

“Mass Romantic”-The New Pornographers

I do, although I haven’t done enough of it.  I formerly imagined myself doing it with a partner.  Now, I imagine it as a year long hike.

20.) How do you feel about your coworkers?

“Somebody To Love”-Queen

I get stiff voices from my coworkers sometimes, so I wonder if I’ve done something to tick them off-like not work.  Couldn’t be that…..

So that’s the list for me.  Mr. Shuffle isn’t quite an 8 ball, but close enough.  Enjoy!  Oh, and if you haven’t checked out Pandora, please do so, track me down, and share a station with me!

Kinison.

For those who know me, you understand the significance of this video.   For those who weren’t as cognizant of the 80’s, stand and recognize a legend: Sam Kinison.

The crafty ape called Man

I love people.

Plants in yo house?

Would you ever own this?

The Electronic Age

You wouldn’t know it from my communication skills, but I’m actually a pretty wired guy.  I like my electronics-so much so that everything I value that’s a physical possession is digitized.  I spent months of my college and grad life copying music into .mp3 format.  Some of my favorite comics and gaming books (that’s right, gaming, bitches) are on disk now.  I like electronics.

But what are the side effects of the electronic world?  Are we getting more cancer?  Are we sinking more into the Internet?  Are we forgetting the joys of hardcopy?  I thought about what would happen if an EMP hit home today-what would happen to my work info, my music, my books?  As much as I love the space conservation, I wouldn’t want to lose these valuable things.

So today I’ll take my copy of Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas and print it out.  A little light reading for the waits at the traffic lights.

No news today, other than the joys of skidding through major intersections as your brakes fail.   Fun!

Everyone’s chatting…

So, I mention one thing about people not checking my blog, and people start chiming in.  Wow!  Thanks, guys-good to know that you care!  Do you actively check, or have you subscribed via feeds?  If so, can you tell me how that’s done?

I’m going to take a moment to address the corporate issue that everyone’s mentioning.  You keen, keen minds have been hitting on good points-it’s an interaction that we take part in, bit by bit.  It is a question of how much of your spirit do you put on the line.  But it’s more than this.  Corporate life shapes our paradigm, whether it’s in the form of the corporate job we go to every day, or the distinctly non-corp job we have because we don’t want to go corporate.  It’s in the music we listen to, the places we shop at, the entertainment we consume (we wouldn’t have television if it wasn’t to sell something), it’s in our whole western ideology.  Have you thought about what the world would be like otherwise?  Never mind the money, how much creative energy is spent in advertising?  And why have people forgotten how to have fun without spending a dime on it?

In regards to putting your spirit on the line for a corporate job, I don’t usually, but I’ve found myself doing it more and more.  I was really into my current job at first because it was constructive work to do after a long spell of doing nothing.  Then, it was an avenue to excel in, to exercise myself.  After that things slowed down, when I realized that I was a good worker, and that I was, frankly, not engaged.  How much could I do for the world with what I sell?

The problem arises when you’re surrounded by decent people who work in an intimate atmosphere and have committed themselves to the company.  It’s kind of like team spirit, except on a small team.  You don’t want to let decent people down, but damnit, what is it that you’re giving so much of yourself to?  Is it worth it?  I personally haven’t been put in any compromising positions unduly, but there are two things that I don’t like: a) putting in weekends, and b) selling.  You get that feeling of pushing, and even the nicest marketers, if they’re successful, are thinking about sales.  My job is to motivate you to buy my shit.  I’ve got to really love it to convince you to buy it.  I don’t know if I’m there.

Anyway, for more on the corporate war, check this guy out.  Food for thought.

In the meantime, another day, another dollar.  The highlight of the day: getting help from my co-workers. It was so startling, and so great!  And I got to play with Mjolnir (my hammer staple gun) on campus today.  Every time I put a flier up, Mjolnir lets loose with a mighty CRACK and scares the hell out of everyone standing in the ATM line.  Wunderbar!

The Easy Path

I know I’m a general absentee friend, but when I try to keep in touch via Journal, and people tell me they forget I write-not because I do so infrequently, but because they don’t have an easy link to my journal-then I get a little ticked.  Instead of erupting like Vesuvius, however, I do the smart thing-return to the journal where everyone is linked.

The quick shout-outs:  Andy, you’re doing brilliantly, as I expected.  I love to hear it.  Let’s see how this Journal and Stumbleupon thing works out, then we’ll move on to Skype.  Chris: I’m BOOOORED.  Where the Hell are you?  Everyone else:  Hi.

My life is its usual flow of mundane work ethic.  I come home and tell Jenny  “I did nothing remarkable at work today.”  In truth, I’ve usually busted ass on whatever’s in front of me, gotten a lot accomplished, and never feel as if I’ve done enough.  But when you take it out of the frame of reference and try to explain it to someone with a deep distaste for anything corporate-what do you say?

I usually find myself torn between the principles I find appealing and the practical.  I like the idea of being anti-corporate-taking the stand, bringing business back to the people, and fighting against the superstructure that governs world politics today.  I’m painfully aware of the state of the world, and I do feel responsible in my own, small way.  But I’m The Little Guy.  I don’t have much, and need to have a lot more, not for luxury, but for the continued well-being of myself and my family.  If I want to make big bucks (which I need to), I have to go corporate-it’s the classic deal with the devil.

I hate the drama of the statement, but it does continue the systems that everyone bitches about.  Hate how Wal-Mart treats its employees?  Hate seeing jobs sent to India?  Bitching about pork-barrel legislature?  It all ties back to the same thing-corporate geopolitics.  And you facilitate with every purchase and employment decision.  I do, too.  But this is what I need to do.

So, 8 hours of my day is spent corporate, with people that are nice, but that I’m not particularly bonded to.  Doing things that challenge my organizational skills, but don’t push my creativity.  In a job that, ultimately, doesn’t have the impact that I would like it to.  Hence, my conflict.

In other news, I’ve been catching up on my 80’s cartoons.  Galaxy Rangers, anyone?

Thus endeth the update.  In the meantime, go listen to The Nightsound Show!

Even more of the possible

Blue straws, anyone?